Life Plans vs. Life Paths

          There were only three kids in our family, all raised by the same parents in the same environment. Our parents were members of the LDS church but quit going early in my childhood. We were raised "quasi-mormon", if you will; completely aware of the church and its teachings, sometimes attending meetings or youth activities, forced to go to seminary (our version of bible study for high schoolers), but never totally participating.

        The other day I was contemplating how differently and completely unexpected everyone's lives turn out, even (or especially) people from the same family, the same upbringing. 

         Today, I am married, in the church, with four children. My next oldest sibling has had his troubles with drugs and occasionally law enforcement, but now has a steady girlfriend, a baby, and one on the way and wants a relationship with God, just not in the LDS church. The youngest sibling has only ever had one girlfriend, joined the Navy, and became distant from the rest of the family, physically and emotionally, as a result.

        I was contemplating our life differences because I was feeling that while I am dedicated to the LDS church, and base most of my life  decisions on spiritual feelings, it seems that everyone else gets the house, the job, the perfect number of children (usually 2 or less), the traveling to far away countries etc, by not following the spirit.

 .   It seemed to me that people around me had a life plan of their own and were sticking to it.

 Meanwhile, I occasionally feel trapped, because my life's path seems to be following anything but my previous life plan. I feel sometimes like my life is restricted. I'm not talking about going wild. I have no desire to smoke, drink alcohol or coffee, sleep around or any of that, but I was feeling that feeling everyone has at some point: "life isn't fair".

      Then I had the following inspiration:

Anyone can work toward their life plan, 

but I work toward the life plan God has for me. 

      In the end, the rewards will be greater. My life hasn't been what I expected of it, but it is more worthwhile because it's what God planned for me.

      As I strive to stay close to God, I have peace knowing that I am where I'm supposed to be (I even have peace amidst terrible things).

 .    I have greater happiness knowing that I am in good standing with Him because I try to follow His plan, not mine (mine was so overdone by a million people anyway ;)

      So, the next time you're feeling down about where your life has taken you, just remember, the peace you get from following God's guidance for you far outweighs having the "perfect" life. Strive to figure out what He wants for you, then strive to do it.

Thoughts on Marriage

     Have you ever been to a bridal shower where the games were focused on giving "advice" for marital bliss? I'm always embarrassed that I have been married for 11 years and never have any advice I feel is original or worthy of passing on---until now.

     The only advice I remember receiving at my bridal shower is "don't go to bed angry" and always be the first one to say sorry... I think I like the second one, though it's hard to do.

But the first piece of advice is so cliche, and just wrong...
                                          
I don't know about you, but the later into the night it gets, the more fierce I become in a fight. Many a verbal wound would have been prevented if we had just gone to bed angry and resolved the issue with more sleep.


     Recently, when we were having big struggles in our marriage again. (It turns out that you are never done having challenges in marriage ;-) We started meeting with our religious leader (bishop, LDS church) as well as attending a class on marriage put on by our church. This has really helped us out with some of our specific issues.

     Maybe most marriage related issues can be explained all day long, but never fully understood until  personally experienced. But maybe some of what I am going through and learning will reach just that one person who can understand it and apply it to their future:



So,
#1: do not discuss serious things after 9pm. I have always thought this might be a good idea, but now our Bishop (neutral 3rd party if you will) has given his stamp of approval, so we both can be on board with it and it has saved us so many times! Sometimes we even play a game together because it's after 9 and we don't want to bring up any hot topics.

#2: No contention, period. Contention is not of God, so you know where it comes from. this helped me to simply remember: don't do it.

 This leads into the last tip:

#3: Before you get angry, have a sort of mantra to say to yourself. I learned this from the marriage class. It didn't sink in until they gave an example mantra: "If I get angry, I will pay a price I don't want". If you've ever had a problem with anger like I was having (I was also dealing with
severe postpartum depression, but I'm not going to say I didn't sometimes have anger flare ups from time to time before that), then you might relate to the cycle of anger followed by good deeds because of your remorse. The idea of this alone stopped a lot of my anger and helped me to pause first.
(For a herbal remedy to try for anger or depression, see this post: Acupuncture )

Be good to your spouse or significant other, and always find ways or resources to help you work for a better relationship.

Just A Thought

(Making Date Night a priority is also vital to your marriage. See the post about dating ideas :)