Thoughts on Marriage

     Have you ever been to a bridal shower where the games were focused on giving "advice" for marital bliss? I'm always embarrassed that I have been married for 11 years and never have any advice I feel is original or worthy of passing on---until now.

     The only advice I remember receiving at my bridal shower is "don't go to bed angry" and always be the first one to say sorry... I think I like the second one, though it's hard to do.

But the first piece of advice is so cliche, and just wrong...
                                          
I don't know about you, but the later into the night it gets, the more fierce I become in a fight. Many a verbal wound would have been prevented if we had just gone to bed angry and resolved the issue with more sleep.


     Recently, when we were having big struggles in our marriage again. (It turns out that you are never done having challenges in marriage ;-) We started meeting with our religious leader (bishop, LDS church) as well as attending a class on marriage put on by our church. This has really helped us out with some of our specific issues.

     Maybe most marriage related issues can be explained all day long, but never fully understood until  personally experienced. But maybe some of what I am going through and learning will reach just that one person who can understand it and apply it to their future:



So,
#1: do not discuss serious things after 9pm. I have always thought this might be a good idea, but now our Bishop (neutral 3rd party if you will) has given his stamp of approval, so we both can be on board with it and it has saved us so many times! Sometimes we even play a game together because it's after 9 and we don't want to bring up any hot topics.

#2: No contention, period. Contention is not of God, so you know where it comes from. this helped me to simply remember: don't do it.

 This leads into the last tip:

#3: Before you get angry, have a sort of mantra to say to yourself. I learned this from the marriage class. It didn't sink in until they gave an example mantra: "If I get angry, I will pay a price I don't want". If you've ever had a problem with anger like I was having (I was also dealing with
severe postpartum depression, but I'm not going to say I didn't sometimes have anger flare ups from time to time before that), then you might relate to the cycle of anger followed by good deeds because of your remorse. The idea of this alone stopped a lot of my anger and helped me to pause first.
(For a herbal remedy to try for anger or depression, see this post: Acupuncture )

Be good to your spouse or significant other, and always find ways or resources to help you work for a better relationship.

Just A Thought

(Making Date Night a priority is also vital to your marriage. See the post about dating ideas :)